PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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