I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
