well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
