Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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