I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
