Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
