Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You smell like stripper and shame
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
