I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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