Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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