The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
