Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
