my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
