if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
