Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
