I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
