Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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