We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
