He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
