The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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