Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I checked into jail on foursquare
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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