he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
