The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
