I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
