No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
