I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
