just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
