Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
