You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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