Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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