i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
