and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
