she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Randomize
