I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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