I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
