I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
