Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
