My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
