Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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