walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
