In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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