that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
