I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
