So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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