I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
