The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
