I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
