Ambien. No doubt about it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
