If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
