Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
