i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
