Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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